Password: JEDI
by Purrrin
Summary: When EDI catches Joker breaking into the Normandy, both of them find more than what they were looking for. Fluffy Joker/EDI oneshot, spoilers for Mass Effect 2


**Password: JEDI**

**Warning:** Contains spoilers for the ending of Mass Effect 2!

**Author's note:** Just a little fluffy one shot born from my newly found passion for Joker/EDI :)

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><p>The complete silence onboard the Normandy was so odd that Joker felt like a stranger. It was his ship, sure, his home, but gloomy and quiet like this, without the familiar and ever annoying noise of the running engines, it was simply far from the way it should be. Especially now, with the darkness only being disrupted by the spot of his flashlight, he felt like a burglar breaking into his own home. Well, to be fair, he actually was.<p>

The Normandy had reached the Citadel a few hours ago. The crew had left the ship to go out and celebrate their victory over the Collectors. Even Dr. Chakwas and the rest of the supporting crew had decided to join them. It was the first time since the rebuild of the Normandy that the ship had been left entirely alone, doors locked, all systems shut down – a welcome chance for the engines and the computers to finally cool down, even if it was just for a few hours. And tonight, it was a great opportunity for Joker as well.

Moving on along the dark hallways of the empty ship was difficult. Even though the corridors were so familiar to him, the risk of stumbling over some accidentally forgotten box or some other dangerous obstacle would have graver consequences for him than for most other – ordinary – humans.

So he couldn't help sighing in relief when he was finally standing in front of the AI console's controls. He inserted the storage device he had brought along, praying that this wouldn't trigger the ship's system to boot. Seconds later, a menu appeared on one of the displays. Joker made a few selections, careful to only run the necessary processes in a special password protected bypass mode that would significantly lower the chance of being noticed by the ship's AI system. The buttons and displays were glowing orange and green in the darkness while Joker waited. _Operation complete: 1%. 2%_. It would take ages! And every single second of it heightening the chances of him being spotted. _3%_. _Oh, you damn thing, hurry up! _He wanted to get out of here, out of this ship, before –

"What are you doing, Jeff?"

A faint blue glow suddenly illuminated the dark room of the AI core's servers.

Joker closed his eyes. He had been found out! Of course he had been. Slowly, he turned around, facing EDI's transparent sphere with an annoyed expression. "EDI," he greeted her, forcing himself to crack a smile. "How's it going?"

"The relevant routine tells me that I don't necessarily have to reply to a rhetorical question like that. What are you doing in here, Jeff?" she continued. "And besides, how did you get onboard the ship? The locks on the doors are set to boot the system once unlocked."

Joker risked a quick glance back at the progress bar. _6%_. He rolled his eyes. "Is that a rhetorical question, too?"

"No."

"Alright…" he sighed again, knowing he wouldn't stand a chance against EDI insisting. "I've been controlling this ship long before you were even created, EDI. I have my ways..."

"That is a security breach, level four," EDI simply announced. "I'll have to report you, Jeff."

"Report?" Joker held his breath. Did EDI have a bad day – or rather – a bad night? Maybe it was because he woke her. Damn that progress bar filling so dead slowly! "Wait, no! Wait!" He waved his arms around helplessly. "Alright, let's just calm down for a second. Don't report me, EDI, okay?"

There was no reply, however.

A shiver ran down Joker's spine. He suddenly feared that EDI's consciousness had already left the room for the communication center to make contact with the military court! "EDI?" he pleaded, now totally distressed.

"What?" the computer voice immediately replied in a tone that implied annoyance.

That took a load off Joker's mind, giving him the chance to calm down. "Whew," he replied, "you're still here. I thought you'd already left to report me."

"Not yet." EDI's voice was far from friendly.

"Yet?"

"It would be best if you told me what you were doing in here, Jeff," she demanded once again, this time sounding more distant than before.

Joker wrung his hands uncomfortably. "Well, I..." he replied, hemming and hawing, until EDI spoke up again.

"The process you started is password protected. Tell me the password."

"What? Why? This is a private matter!" Joker defended.

"I'll have to report you, Jeff."

"Argh, fine then!" Joker bit his lips. "It's J, E, D, I – you happy now?"

The AI paused. "JEDI?" she pronounced. "Is that a portmanteau name for –"

"NO!" Joker cut her off. "Geez, EDI, no! It's from a movie. Called _Star Wars_."

There was a pause after that, obviously EDI trying to get access to Joker's processes.

"Seriously, EDI," Joker murmured, shaking his head, "what were you thinking? A portmanteau name for –"

"My assumptions are simply based on likelihood, Jeff," EDI explained drily. Then she stopped, as if she was thinking about what she'd just said, suddenly breaking off her explanation with a half-hearted "never mind". As if to get the focus away from that topic, she continued, "You are copying files from the Normandy's internal storage onto your personal device." To make it sound more illegal, she left this sentence uncommented.

"I'm not stealing anything, EDI," Joker immediately defended, indignant about her accusations. "I'm creating a backup."

"Of what?"

He sighed. There was no point in hiding it anymore. "Of _you_, EDI! Geez!" The look on his face showed how awkward he felt telling this. "Look, I've seen the previous Normandy being blown up within minutes. I know we've got new shields and better armor this time, but still. It can happen any time and if we're not careful, we might lose everything. And all of your files."

"That is unnecessary, Jeff," EDI replied after a short pause. "My setup files are stored on several physical and virtual spaces within the Cerberus facility. I can be uploaded to any future ship no matter what happens to the files stored on the Normandy systems."

"Yeah right," Joker replied sarcastically, "and we'll be back on second name basis." He snorted with discontent, then limped towards the door, murmuring something about "getting out of here".

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><p>She found him again on the Starboard Observation Deck, sitting on the floor in front of the large window, gazing across the Citadel's sea of nightly lights. Some of them moving slowly – maybe lights from a shuttle or some other vehicles –, others changing their color from time to time, like illuminated advertisements.<p>

"The progress bar?" Joker asked, as soon as he realized EDI had appeared.

"Around 40%," EDI replied.

Joker looked back out of the window. "It's so quiet up here, without Samara doing her weird Yoga exercises or whatever."

"She might be doing them somewhere else right now. It's night time and the bars on the Citadel are filled with people who are interested in some weird Yoga exercises as well." When Joker frowned at that with disgust, she quickly added, "that was a joke, Jeff."

"Yeah, I feared that," Joker sighed, but after a while he couldn't help chuckling. "You have a very unique sense of humor, EDI, one that no one shares with you, seriously."

"Your laugh signals amusement to me, though."

"Don't take that as support for your jokes", he warned her. "I'm laughing about your humor in general, certainly not about your terrible jokes."

"Human facial expressions and body language can be confusing, even for an enhanced intelligence like me."

"Don't burn your circuits over that, EDI. Just stop trying to make jokes, okay?"

"What do you want me to do instead?" EDI asked.

"I don't know," Joker shrugged, turning back to the view once again. "Talk about something trivial. Like the Citadel. It really does look amazing like that, huh?" he said, as if he was talking to himself. "It's an unbelievable place, a space station that huge. Visiting is always a special occasion for me."

"Then you should return to the rest of the crew, Jeff," EDI advised. "There are lots of interesting places to explore."

"No, thanks, I'll pass," he replied. "All that walking around is no good for me, anyway. Besides, the Normandy – that's my home. I'm used to staying behind."

"If it is of any comfort to you, I can't leave the ship either, even if I wanted to," EDI reminded him.

"I know," Joker said quietly. "But don't you feel sad about that sometimes? To look at others and notice how much fun they're having, knowing you just can't be a part of that? Just because you were born – or programmed – one way or another?"

"No, I don't feel sad about that," the AI replied with her dry voice. "I do have my purpose here."

"Your purpose," Joker repeated slowly. "Yeah, that's right."

"About this backup you're creating…" EDI started after a while.

"Yeah, I knew you'd be asking." Joker took a deep breath. "I'll tell you something. We've been through so much together, EDI, and if somehow that was lost… Well, yeah, I know that you can easily be recreated, but even if your character stayed the same, it's actually our experiences and our memories that make us who we are, that link us together. I wouldn't want a new EDI to be installed. I want _this_ you – the _you_ that you are now, the _you_ that has come to know me. Because after all," he shyly shrugged as he looked at her, "even though I would never admit it, but after all this time, I've come to really like you."

EDI remained silent, showing no sign of reaction. Then, after a while, she said, "as far as my system routines can emulate the process of liking, I feel the same way about you, Jeff."

Joker kept looking outside, realizing how beautiful the stars that he saw every day actually were if one was just willing to take a closer look.

They sat like this for a long time, neither of them saying a word, gazing outside at the illuminated skyline of the Citadel, with EDI glowing steadily in the dark of the room. Even though there were so many pretty lights shining out there, it was none but her light that made the darkness around him lighten up just a little, just enough to let him know that he was not alone anymore. For the first time in his life.

After a while, he stumbled back on his feet.

"Where are you going?" EDI wanted to know.

Joker turned around to look at her. "Back to the AI core," he replied. "I'll have to restart the backup."

"A restart is not necessary. Everything is being processed smoothly. The progress bar has already reached 77%."

"Maybe, but if something happened to the Normandy – to you – then I wouldn't want to lose this – you know – this moment."

There was a long silence from EDI. Then, after a while, she said, "the sun is about to rise in half an hour. If you feel like it, you could stay. I'll take care of the new backup."

"You will?" Joker replied with a smile, gratefully sitting down again. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," EDI said. "Password: JEDI, right?"

"Yeah," Joker replied with a grin. "Password: JEDI."

**THE END**


End file.
